Monday, 30 January 2012

A bond of trust

Mat is borrowing my laptop to entertain himself while waiting for people to join him on Monster Hunter Tri on the wii.

Mat: Shall I sign you out of Facebook?

Verity: Frape me and I'll break you legs.

Mat: It was tempting...

Saturday, 28 January 2012

Shit that amuses us

We are not, in our house, what you might describe as up to date. We do not live on the bleeding edge of the internet. Thus, our household in-jokes generally originate from highly outdated internet memes and videos that people stopped laughing at in 2008. Here listed are some of our running jokes and their origin.

"You.." "You?!" "I totally don't remember your name" "I've lived here for like a year now, Karl!"
"I will not apologise for art."
"Do you hear that? That's the sound of forgiveness." "That's the sound of people drowning, Karl" "That is what forgiveness sounds like - screaming, and then silence"
"That hurt my feelings, now we're both in the wrong"
"Aww that's no fun" "This has become the norm for you Karl" "I'll have to try harder next time" "Please don't" "I feel like I've been issued a challenge here"

Almost every line in any of the Llamas with hats videos has potential to be a household meme. All too often, all too easily do we find ourselves reciting up to a whole episode.

Those crazy llamas!

You have a problem, I will solve it. Check out this beet, while the DJ revolves it.

Truly classic visual comedy from the Loading Ready Run team, needs to be watched to be appreciated.

End result is that any object that makes a 'beat' noise, gets turned over to make a noise on the other side on the cue "Ah!- revolve it."

'Gay Bacon and Sauce'
Epic Mealtime is another staple of ridiculous in-jokes. Current favourite is GAY BACON.

Although one can never turn their back on the eternal Big Mac SAUCE.

So. There are more. Many more. but that will do for now. We need to move a desk. Goodnight, sweethearts.

Carefully considered decision

Mat had bought two single glass sized bottles of wine from Tesco. We were deciding which one to use for the meal in the post below and which one to drink.

Verity: Which one shall we use?

Mat: They both look the same, really.

Verity: *looks at % value* Well this one's stronger..

Mat: *takes stronger wine* I'll drink this one.

Just turn it over

So Mat was doing the washing up while I cooked dinner and I gave him the chopping board to wash.

Verity: That needs to be washed

Mat: Just turn it over

Verity: I already have, now it needs washing

Mat: Well all you have to do in the future is spray some disinfectant on the worktop..

Verity: No

Mat: Just spray it where the chopping board goes and..

Verity: No

Mat: Then you can keep turning it over and get three maybe even four uses out of it

Verity: No

Mat: Well my own chopping board isn't much to look at really

Verity: Of course it isn't, it's yours

Mat: ...

Verity: :D

Mat: ¬¬

If you would like to try cooking the meal we were making at the time, here's the recipe!

Serves 4 (or in our case, 2 people, twice)

6 Rashers of heterosexual bacon
300g Chicken breast
1 Onion
1 Bell pepper
2 Handfuls of mixed frozen vegetables
2tbsp Pesto
180ml White wine
150ml Single cream
Enough pasta
Splash of olive oil

1) Chop chicken and bacon into small chunks. Fry on a high heat in the pesto and the olive oil until mostly cooked.

2) Add the onion (chopped) and the bell pepper (chopped). Continue to fry until the onion is softened and turn down to medium heat.

3) Add the frozen vegetables and continue on medium heat until completely defrosted.

4) Add wine and cream, simmer. You should probably start cooking the pasta now.

5) Once the pasta is cooked, combine and consume.

Not dead

You know that you live in a house full of bikers when the standard telephone greeting of your housemate to explain why he's not home yet is "Hi, I'm not dead..."

Thursday, 26 January 2012


So we were selecting new fonts for the blog.

Mat: The more I read the word 'House', the more I want to pronounce it 'Hoose'

Verity: Epic construction time. Big Mac HOUSE!


For a while, we had no recycling bin, and the glass, plastic etc was mounting up beside the normal bin. Now? Now we have a recycling bin.

Verity: Goddamnyou, huge pile of recycling.

Mat: Why don't you take it out? No excuse now.

Verity: Laziness.

Mat: Laziness is not an excuse!

Verity: I disagree. It's a very broad, effective excuse!

Improper videos

Verity: So, a friend downloaded a video off RedTube for me. Sent it over Skype. He could've changed the name - I now have 'Hard policeman likes horny young ass.avi' in my download history.

Mat: Yeah, should have made it 'porn video.wav'

Verity: 'Filthy pr0nz.MP4'